Traveling While Fat

I recently went on two big trips though I’ve been traveling all my life. I first flew unaccompanied minor at 13 and before that my mother and I made frequent trips to visit family several states away.

Similarly to being a lifelong traveler, I’m also a lifelong fatty and my mother has been fat my whole life as well. We have been fat travelers as long as I can remember. But it’s only been in my recent travels, alone, as an adult that I’ve really felt the brunt of fat traveling.

There are plenty of wonderful people who talk a lot about the airplane part of it, we know, the seats suck and the people look so frustrated to be sitting there next to you, and the bathrooms are too small to live.

What I found even more jarring was the looks I got after the flight.

Now, I should share some things about me if you don’t know already, firstly I look like this

I’m large fat, I’m a light-skinned Black fem, I wear my hair in bright colors, I have tattoos, piercings, and bright, not very covering clothes. I also walk with a cane (when I remember to….I’m working on it). I’m also loud, I love to laugh and talk and make merry and I breathe hard as hell when I’m walking cause I usually also forgot my inhaler (god I gotta get my internalized ableism about my accessibility aids together y’all).

So there are actually a lot of things people take issue with as I move through the world, a lot of things that make me stand out from especially crowds of mental health professionals (IYKYK).

So as I walked through Greece to meet my friends for dinner my first night in town, I noticed so so many people giving me the look. “Oh my god, look at her”, I can hear them say in my mind. I hear them finish it a lot of different ways but I know my size plays one of the biggest roles in how they see me.

Now, I’m a therapist who’s been in therapy since I was 3, I know that I don’t know what they are actually thinking and that there is a very real, valid, likely world where they are not thinking about me at all. And I cannot express enough how often it is that people feel comfortable commenting on my body, on my size, on what they assume about me because of those things. Total strangers (not filled with kindness), comfortable enough to stop me on the street, as I get my coffee or buy my groceries, and share their thoughts about me. So it’s hard not to think about and focus on and fear, and hate, and resent what they might be thinking. And it’s only made easier by my own anxiety, especially when I have nothing else to focus on (AKA no-one to talk to).

I also have to think about if there will be chairs that fit me, that’s true at home too but at home I already mapped out the restaurants, event spaces, theaters, etc that I can comfortably attend. Will they have modes of transport available to me, can I literally fit through the halls (not always, thanks Scotland).

So, here are some tips I learned during this busy year of travel:

• If you’re a temperature specific fatty (this one is honestly helpful for anyone), invest in a tiny fan! One that will fit in your bag and you can charge as needed, I promise it helps so much!

  • Please see my Lil’Fan next to me in the photo as I speak in Greece.

• Find good walking shoes, it wont fix everything but man does it fucking help.

• Hotels, especially fancy ones, have bigger bathrooms. Some of those damn tiny bathrooms in pubs and restaurants, and even stores are an affront, but the hotel public restrooms (or even better the one in your room) are bigger!

• Hotels also have lounges and lobbies with comfy seating (and frequent enough events that you can usually blend in if you’re in a tourist area).

• Phone a friend! If you get stuck in your brain thinking about what they are thinking of you (like I do) phone a friend and get lost in your conversation, tell them all about the beautiful exciting trip you’re having. Distract, distract, distract.

• On the way there, pack all (or damn near all) your absolutely necessary clothes in your cary on (and personal item) and don’t let the bastards take them from you! Leave your checked bag about half empty. If they lose your checked bag there will NOT be options, not easily anyway, to replace your clothes depending on where you are going so keep that cary on at damn near all costs. On the way home your clothes can go in your checked bag and your new fun purchases can go in your cary on.

• And finally, and this one is obvious, travel with good people. People who make you feel seen, accepted, loved, people who make you laugh and listen as you cry and who never give you any of the looks.